If you haven’t been paying close attention, you’ve probably missed a lot of the Obamagate hearings that are currently in their ninth day of testimony. Covered by explicit exclusive contract by only ESPN’s satellite network The Ocho, the courtroom investigation and prosecution of former President Barack Obama for the nebulous fictional crimes of the Obamagate scandal have shocked government officials and onlookers alike. The most recent explosive display is going viral on conservative-only second-tier video outlet MooTube, and Trump-specific social media network DickBook.
Eighteen minutes into attorney General Bill Barr’s preliminary speech about FISA warrants and portfolio dossiers with hidden agenda federal blumpkin stapler emails illegally tapping Lithuania or whatever shit Trump told the world’s crookedest lawyer during one of his coke binges, yes, I said Trump binges coke, the courtroom suddenly erupted with furor as Obama stood and pushed aside bailiff Joe Barron to pound loudly on the defense table.
“You’re out of order, you fat, useless twat! Nobody normal is buying your impeached President’s coke binge fantasies except the GOP turds and their elderly gullible arthritis zombies! This kangaroo court is a sham and an embarrassment to actual kangaroos, which, no doubt, Trump and Kavanaugh have date-raped during coke-fueled frat parties! You can suck my balls!”
An obviously taken-aback Barr shot back.
“Fat? I’ve been on an avocado cleanse.”
Obama responded with a tirade about how avocados are good for nothing except guacamole, and are nature’s equivalent of pop singer Lourdes – Bland and tasteless. Barr then urinated his underpants and had the ex-president removed from the courtroom.
Obama will be spending 24 hours in a holding cell, charged with contempt of court. Legal experts believe that he could be released as early as ten minutes in, after preliminary searching of both Barr and President Trump’s belongings turn up packages of cocaine. What will happen next? Stay tuned, True Believers!