WASHINGTON, D.C.—House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has been forced to cancel her upcoming impeachment press conference after she suddenly realized she doesn’t have a podium anymore.
“I can’t give a press conference without my podium, which was stolen by an evil terrorist from Florida,” said Pelosi. “That podium is very special to me. It has great sentimental value. The impeachment cannot proceed until I get my podium!”
According to sources, impeachment proceedings will be delayed until Pelosi gets her podium back. “We thought we had this impeachment in the bag,” said AOC, “but Florida man thwarted us. We could be delayed for days now. Curse you, Florida man!”
Aides confirmed that the podium is being shipped back by the U.S. Postal Service which has promised to deliver it in 2 to 38 days, and in mostly one piece.